Aandhikhola  
translated from Nepali by Subash Ghimire

Gangi keeps looking. Midday- Aandhikhole boys were coming behind the recruitment constable singing to get recruited at the Gorakhpur cantonment getting through the plain road.

Gangi's ears continue playing with the tune of their song; as if the seed of the song sticks inside Gangi's chest. "Don't cry mother; the letter will come getting through the world."

Who knows what magic did the sad song of the boys looking for the chance to pay off the debt and the selling of the life, created by the conflict of India and China, played in the rhythm of the drum it have each part of Gangi keeps repeating the piece of the song.

"The letter will come getting through the world."
Those boys start getting through the road in front of Gangi. Gangi suddenly remembers him. His picture keeps getting drawn like the fog going twisted around the western hills in the morning.

Gangi has not forgotten. She feels as if that day is today. She feels as if it's just now he is following the recruiter for the German battlefield getting through the steep slope of the road across Aandhikhola's hill. Gangi has been looking at the uphill of this Aandhikhola with the saddened eyes for 25 years now.
Getting far from Gangi's eyes, those boys going to foreign country to earn a livelihood, sacrificing their lives go down. Gangi keeps looking again. Those boys disappear completely from her sight, but she feels the rhythm of the song is flying toward her.

Her guy also used to sing in this rhythm. While singing in this rhythm he had supposedly gone across the Bhanjyang (narrow valley) of the mountain forever. Gangi remembers; she was nineteen at that time. The boys and girls of the village wouldn't think that she didn't belong to them. Being light as flower, she could run around the mountains and the lines of the jungle. Being full of life like the deer playing in the mountain, she would go to the jungle to cut the grass along with him. Sitting under the shade of pipal tree she would listen to his same song being spellbound.

She tries to remember something special about her guy, but can't remember anything immediately. She keeps looking toward the peak that is joined with the cloud, but she feels strange.

One day, Gangi goes down toward Aandhikhola thrusting the sickle inside the waistband. Her eyes keep turning back in the search of her guy.
A little further on the winding road, seeing the image of her guy she gets inspired with the happiness and fear. Putting her hand on the fast beating chest she hides herself like a bird in the root of a tree grown on the bank of Aandhikhola.

While hiding, getting through the bank of Aandhikhola before it ends she looks for a chance of hiding in a way that her guy wouldn't be able to find her.

Jumping off a stone she reaches by the side of another stone. Thinking that her guy hasn't seen her she keeps smiling in her heart happily, but she feels her guy's breath, who was standing right behind leaning against the stone.

She doesn't know why her heart keeps beating fast. Again she looks for a chance to jump to the other side holding her breath. But she feels that his deep breath is coming around her face; as if he hasn't seen her yet; as if he wants to let her run for a while. Leaving the previous stone, she keeps sticking in his embrace getting really shy like the sensitive weed (lajjawati.)

Putting the legs in the water of Aandhikhola she keeps splashing water on him and keeps smiling inside. She remembers now, this is what she was forgetting earlier. By remembering this, she feels as if taking off a heavy load from her body.

Feeling a light heart, Gangi once again looks at the steep uphill. The black shadows of the boys who had gone downhill a few hours earlier appear in the middle of the uphill that was curved and seen as the snake's head. The sound of the drum that was played mixing with their tone starts playing with her ear again.
Gangi keeps looking at those images as if something is losing, as if searching for something.

Those images start becoming smaller and smaller. The image of Gangi's guy had become smaller and smaller.

While looking at the images of the boys, Gangi keeps getting small within herself. She becomes so little so little that she appears to be of seven years old. One day carrying her seven years' image when she goes to the ridge of the farm; she finds that her ten-year body is hiding behind the tree of mulberry with the fear that the goat has been lost. Her guy scares the hell out of her jumping off the mulberry tree in front of her. She quarrels with him. While quarrelling, she brags about being telephone at her uncle's (mother side) house. She says in her guy's uncle's house "Rat took rice from the uncle's house" is sung; while in her uncle's house, "It is rainy season" is sung playing harmonium. Her guy slaps her strongly on her cheek. Telling on him to his father she makes his father beat him really bad. After getting beaten, she goes to console him and keeps consoling.

With the remembrance of this, she turns pale as if she is feeling her guy's hand is sticking on her cheek; she keeps stroking her cheek gently and affectionately.
As if trying to wipe her eyes, she once again looks toward the steep uphill lying care freely on the level of Aandhikhola. The images of the boys have reached almost at the top, but since the uphill is too far from there, the sound of their song can't be heard.

Gangi keeps looking again. While looking across the uphill she sees the layered up hills at a far distance on the other side.

How would it be on the other side of the mountain- Gangi can't imagine anything. She just keeps looking without even blinking the eyes.

Ah! She feels an acute pain in the chest. Such a time when it is about evening her guy is sitting on the portico.

Her guy is just thinking deeply, spacing out and without even saying anything. Gangi turns toward him and says, "Why? Aren't you fine?"
He keeps sitting without answering anything to Gangi's query. Gangi keeps talking about different matters in order to make him speak, but like the stone that is worn by the water of Aandhikhola he keeps remaining silent.
Gangi was thinking something for making him laugh; he speaks, "Tomorrow I am going to join the German battlefield."
Gangi is stunned. Without giving her chance of talking anything more he leaves for the village.

Gangi keeps shrinking with the fear. In his voice she does not find the impression of joke even a little bit. She keeps digging, but the more she digs the more convinced she becomes. Her guy goes to the German battlefield. His land is already in the hands of the merchant; his cattle are already in mortgage; he was not ready to fight with the poverty everyday.

At the dinnertime in the evening and after the dinner, Gangi makes him speak again, and when he gets irritated, then embracing her sweet voice in the heart he keeps babbling, "Gangi, the river is for taking a bath, still why do people keep jumping into it? Isn't it for getting rid of the suffering? The war also pays our debt; it fills up our stomach, and I am not going by myself!"

Gangi doesn't understand anything he says. She keeps sobbing putting her head on his chest. She keeps on crying. With the attempt to keep him with her so that he would not leave his wife like the Buddha; she keeps hugging him all night long and keeps listening to the flowing sound of Aandhikhola, and falls asleep while listening to it.

Gangi dreams during the sleep. The clean water that is coming jumping off so many peaks keeps surging up getting dirty. Surging, after covering all those big stones, where she had played the game of hide and seek for so many times with her guy, it covers those bushes and trees, from her childhood where she had wandered around with him joking. While rising, the water rises so much that the front hill seems to be going to collapse and cover her up.

Gangi wakes up from the dream getting frantic. She keeps listening to the roar of Aandhikhola that is flowing with the sound piercing the quietness of the night all night long. Her guy is sleeping with her. She hugs him with both her arms breathing out a breath of sigh; she joins her cheek with his. She feels his warm breath all around her face that has come out of his mouth while he is asleep.
Gangi sticks to his body really tight; as if she wants to lock him up in such a way that even if the storm like flood of Aandhikhola covers her, it won't be able to untie her embrace.

She falls asleep, feeling the warmth of his breath, and the sweet beating of his heart. When she wakes up in the morning, she finds her embrace untied. She forgets and hurriedly looks outside opening the window. The sun has already risen above the peak of the mountain lied on the bank of Aandhikhola. She gets out of the house while taking care of the waistband that was untied. Her guy neither shows up on the portico nor at the terrace. She reaches the village, running. Her guy does not show up there either. Again running, she reaches the bank of Aandhikhola, but she doesn't see him there either. She keeps looking at the front uphill standing by the chautara (platform built of stone under a tree.)
Her guy as if forgetting the affection of this place forever, has been going being smaller and smaller on the top of the mountain. The song that has come out of his throat "don’t cry my mother, the letter will come getting through the world" keeps flying all directions spreading the gloom.

Gangi keeps looking. While looking, the leaves of the tress fall off; while looking the leaves of the trees sprout. 25 years have gone by looking at the days and nights. Gangi keeps waiting for him. One day he must be returning to his way back.

The boys who are ascending the hill disappear from the Gangi's sight. Instead, snake like road of the same gloomy barren uphill appears. She still keeps looking. She is looking; the evening falls around Aandhikhola, and again night falls. Gangi starts getting covered by the quiet and calm night. She keeps getting covered.

Still, Gangi keeps on looking.

©Daulat Bikram Bista, 2006